When I inherited the collection, I was careful, of course, to treat it like a precious legacy.  It was stashed away in boxes in storage for ages, because I hadn't had any occasion for which to unpack them.   But lately, in the new blossoming era, I've not only unpacked the china, I've been using it.  For tea on ordinary afternoons and for cereal with blueberries on regular ol' mornings.   

At first that old fear of loss kicked in.  And then I thought, do I really want to squirrel away pleasure for a special occasion, because I might screw it up?  One might argue that the reason these things feel special is that we save them for a special occasion, but I don't think I'm so limited in my ability to generate joy that I can't celebrate every day as though it were a special occasion.  Using objects to denote days that I have permission to feel "special" is as stingy and mean as Ebenezer Scrooge before the stroke of midnight.  I think I might prefer to spend it out, to kick up my heels and be the post-ghost Scrooge, enjoying and sharing the incredible, limitless cornucopia of abundant treats that flow in and out of my experience.  

We could behave like Depression Babies, filled with anxiety about saving for the future, making sure we won't be poor and hungry when we're old and rickety, because of the challenging times we're going through now.  I think a certain amount of temperance -- contributing to your 401(k), putting aside some savings, etc., is an intelligent thing to do.  But will refraining from using the lovely things that give you pleasure in life -- and minimizing the chance that they may be lost to you or future generations -- really keep you safe and abundant in your old age?  I guess it could be argued that if those lovely things are lost, they'd have to be replaced.  But is that really true?  Would it be necessary to replace them with exact duplicates?  If so, you might have to go to a little inconvenience and expense to do so.  If not, maybe something better would be available that you'd prefer even more - something that you're not even open to as long as you are hoarding what you've already got.   

I don't know about you, but I'd rather be an Expression Baby, and use the lovely things in my environment, the things that I have temporary use of for this short time I'm alive, to gleefully drink up the sensory enjoyment of physical reality.   I don't have any daughters, as it turns out, so I don't have to worry about preserving a legacy for them, but for the people in my life, and their children, and any children that I end up "having" (one way or another), I think I'd like to make available to them any things 'n stuff that have been so generously loaned to me by the Universe for awhile.   

I think it's time for a purge and splurge -- to let go of all the stuff I've got that does not inspire me with usefulness or delight, and to bring out all of the tucked away things that I've been saving for ..... whatever.    

What are you hoarding, that if you were to bring it out and celebrate it, would inspire and delight you and the people around you?  Would you prefer to keep it tucked away in feelings of fear and lack, or to employ it in the interest of being fully alive now?   

"Opening Up" -- that is the theme I am declaring for myself in this new era.  Opening up in the sense that a flower opens itself up, easily and effortlessly, to receive warmth from the sun, nourishment from the rain, and support  and enrichment from the earth.  And also, with the same ease, allowing myself to be experienced by the world.   In 2009 I thought some stressful thoughts about giving and receiving, and I believe the effect of those thoughts was to make it feel hard to give what I have to give and to receive what there is to accept.  The cost of that has been that I've blocked myself off from some of my heart's desires, and the benefit is that, now that I'm seeing this, I have some choice and opportunity to expand in all the areas of my life in which I've been keeping myself bud-like.  Today is the perfect day to begin the new practice of blossoming.  

Details will bloom in the coming posts.

That's so about everything.  If you believe it, that's how your world occurs for you, positive or negative, regardless of any "real world" truth that other people believe.  And when it comes to abundance, have you noticed that regardless of what the "real world" truth is, some people follow their own path and create great fortunes for themselves, even amidst economic turmoil?  Some folks manage to live an abundant lifestyle, whatever that means for them -- and it doesn't always mean having boatloads of cash or things 'n stuff. Maybe even because of economic turmoil,  people find ways to generate value and have abundance flowing freely into their experience.   

Of course, those people are taking inspired action.  And where does that inspiration come from?  From what you choose to believe, for one thing.  So, how about telling yourself a new story about abundance and generating value for yourself and for the world?  How would you feel if you were completely calm, confident, and enthusiastic about receiving, spending, and saving money, and having plenty left over for making a huge positive difference in the world?  Would it be worth trying on some new thoughts that feel good when you think them?   You may find yourself resisting certain thoughts about money, because you've been practicing believing bad-feeling ones for so long.  Bad-feeling thoughts about money and abundance have been drummed into our heads from all kinds of sources, and now you have the opportunity to just put them aside for the moment, and try on some better feeling thoughts.  Don't worry, you can have your old bad-feeling thoughts back afterwards, if you still want them.  

Start by reaching for a slightly better-feeling thought.  If you believe that the love of money is the root of all evil, you're probably not going to just blindly buy into a thought like, "Money is GOOD!"   So try on a thought that feels just a little bit better.  Maybe something like, "I don't have to LOVE money; I could just use it for my highest good and the highest good of others."  If that doesn't feel good, try something else, like, "The love of money is the root of some evil, but not all of it.  There's also Kenny G's music, for one thing."   

And if a thought feels good, go ahead and enjoy that good feeling, and then reach for an even better feeling thought:  "Maybe money is neither good nor bad; maybe that old saw just isn't true.  It's possible for me to feel pretty good, have enough, or maybe a little more than enough, and to accomplish things that are right in step with my values."  And then, maybe;  "It does feel pretty good to be able to focus on the things I'm passionate about, not having to spend a lot of time feeling anxious about how I'm gonna pay my rent.  In that way, money really can be good!"  And then it's just a hop, skip, and a jump to really good feeling thoughts about money.  

I've created an eight minute video with binaural beats (use headphones for best results) with some nice pretty dollar signs, and my voice will go with you, just gently and relaxingly suggesting some better feeling thoughts about money.   If these thoughts don't resonate perfectly for you, go ahead and write or record your own better feeling story, and use my content-free binaural beats video to get yourself easily and effortless into an alpha state, so that you can program your unconscious mind to have you feeling really rich.  

 

In a big hurry to feel good?  Try hakalau, borrowed from the ancient Hawaiian system of spiritual shamanism that is modernly called Huna.  

Normal outward awareness has a relatively narrow range -- you pay attention to what's in front of you, more or less.  In hakalau, your awareness spreads out and you become keenly receptive to the current moment.  You are consciously aware of what's going on all around you -- not only in front of you, but peripherally and even behind you, and also to movement that is lower and higher than you're normally aware of.   

Do you know that feeling when you're focusing intently on something, maybe typing or doing your taxes or listening hard to understand something, and your brow furrows and if you notice, you can feel the muscles in the rest of your body tighten, too?   So you feel a little exhausted after spending a long time focusing that way -- you've been doing isometric exercise all day!   And sometimes you might even feel a little headachy from it.   Hakalau is the antidote.   It's not an ideal state to be in when you really need to focus intently on what's immediately in front of you (that's called "foveal" focus), but otherwise it's a lovely way to open yourself up to far more of what's available in the moment, and to really *get it* at a deeply unconscious level.   The tightness in your head and body just loosens up and eases, giving you a feeling of spaciousness and acceptance, as if the very cells in your body were just relaxing and giving each other more space.  Ahhhhh.   

For that reason, it's a great state to go into if you are in school or any other learning environment -- perhaps surprisingly, it's easier and faster to learn in hakalau than when you're in foveal focus.   I use that relaxed cells image to envision learning flowing deep in and around the cells of my mind and body, really settling the lesson fully into my whole self.  You can really relax and be accepting, so it's a wonderful technique to teach your kids -- they will enjoy the process of learning and get a lot more out of it!  And it's a nice, flexible break from that very intense way of focusing that kids use when playing video games or watching tv.  Suggest they go into hakalau at the beginning of class to learn quickly and easily, and to go back into this state when it's time to take a test -- all of the information they gathered into their unconscious mind will be instantly available, and they'll have fun breezing through quizzes that used to stress them out.  Classes that used to bore them will often be a lot more interesting as they deliberately feel more "present" -- and can find new ways to communicate or otherwise *MAKE* the class more interesting for themselves.   

Hakalau also tends to improve sports performance, as you might imagine!  You can use hakalau almost all of the time -- walking around, at work, and it's great for socializing -- you may find you can pick up on a lot more information and be far more responsive and engaged with people.   

So, here's how you get into hakalau.   

This is called an uptime trance -- outward focus.  You can also use the same 20-degree eye technique with your eyes closed to go into an inward trance, and get yourself into a meditative alpha state instantly, or to easily transition into deep sleep.   It's a pretty flexible and useful state -- give it a go for all kinds of different circumstances, from learning a language to talking with your lover;  "coming down" from a busy day or ramping up for a new, exciting one.   I think you'll want to use it more and more.   

Please let me know how you like hakalau!  

I spent a magical morning yesterday with Anna Verwaal, a woman who is committed to transforming the experience of giving birth and being born.   Anna helps parents prepare for a wonderful experience for the entire family even before the conception of their child, helping them to release old, outdated unconscious negative patterns that are passed down through generations, so that the new child can start fresh and baggage-free.    

Years of experience as a registered nurse in hospitals had shown Anna how little support parents-to-be traditionally receive during pregnancy, birth, and the period after birth, and so she became a Maternal-Child Home Health Nurse, encouraging new families to experience conception, pregnancy, birth, and infancy as conscious, joyful and pleasurable celebrations.   She also photographs the water-births she assists with -- dads and other kids actually in the tub, participating in bringing the new baby into the world. 

I have heard many mothers describe the whole process of pregnancy and childbirth as very uncomfortable and painful; I've heard stories of babies being whisked away by hospital staff or left alone;  and I've seen photos and videos of brand-new babies who look groggy and stressed out; so it came as a revelation to me to see Anna's extraordinary photos!   The first touch these babies feel is the welcoming hands of mom and dad, not a doctor's or nurse's;  the umbilical cord is left intact for awhile as the baby continues to receive nurturing oxygen and food from the mother's body, giving the baby a chance to acclimate before being separated.  These photos show alert, happy babies who are glad to be here.   It's pretty amazing to see the calm, aware consciousness of a woman who is consciously giving birth, free of any drugs that often veil her awareness of the process and tamp down the emotional experience.   And the fathers!  Wow -- you've got to see the faces on these dads who are right there in the tub, holding the woman, kissing her, encouraging her, supporting and assisting her in this incredible process.  I don't think I've ever seen such naked emotion on a man's face as in these photos -- I was moved to tears.  

The site's Contact page features a photo of father and son, and the wisdom and clarity on the baby's face had me wondering which was really the father!   

What if this kind of birth became routine?   Can you imagine how lives would be lived and loved, how relationships would transform, how leaders would lead, if everyone was so consciously welcomed into the world?   It sort of boggles my mind to consider what a huge difference it would make.   

Take a look at Anna's website, and let me know what you think!  (caution for the squeamish:  there is nudity and intimate emotional rawness in the photos.  NSFW.)    

Angela:   I've been asked these questions surprisingly often! I don't think it's essential to love yourself -- lots of people go their whole lives not only not loving themselves, but not even liking themselves, and they do ok.  I believe such people are indeed capable of loving others, despite their lack of affinity for their own darned selves.   But there are some very compelling reasons to love yourself: 

• You become more attractive to emotionally healthy people.   
• Others, seeing you treating yourself as a loved one, will tend to follow suit and treat you well, too.
• You'll have more resolution and confidence about setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, which makes it easier for others around you to do the same. 
• Free of feeling bad about yourself, you have much more energy to focus on getting the results you want in life.   (Feeling apathetic or just ok about yourself does not qualify as a "good" feeling, in my book.)
• When you are feeling lovingly about yourself, it's amazing how good other people look to you.   It's easier -- practically unavoidable -- and more fun to love others in that state. 
• You become more and more present to your own personal power, joy, and abundance. 
• You give yourself much more power to make a difference in the things you'd like to change!  

Sounds pretty good, doesn't it?   So how, practically speaking, do you do this "love thyself" thing?   Well, you may have guessed that to me, love is a verb -- it's an active state, not a passive one.   Sure, you may feel swamped by that schmoopy feeling of admiration, desire, and the need to be near a loved one (and fear of being separated!), and that's love, too.  But aside from those times you get struck by the Thunderbolt (please read The Godfather if you need to understand the Thunderbolt concept), it's true with others and with self:  often it takes something of you, something that you take on for yourself, to actually move yourself in to love.  Why wait for it to strike, when you can be a Love Generator?    

There's a couple of approaches to getting yourself IN to loving yourself:  modeling your love for others, and modeling their love for you. 

You love someone, right?  If you don't love anyone, if this is all just gobbledygook to you, stay tuned, and I'll be posting for you in the future.  For those of you who have experienced love for another human being, what is the basic mover in that love?  It's that you feel good in some way, being around them or thinking about them.  Even the painful yearning of romantic love that's not working out so well contains a good-feeling in there with all that agony, albeit kind of a twisted one!  Mostly, though, it's pretty easy to see that you just feel good in some way that up till now you haven't felt in regards to yourself.  So, please think of a particular person you love, and let's go ahead and count the ways you do love to them, that you can also do to yourself.   (Use the ones that apply, and forget about the rest.  Wait, no; THINK about the rest, why don't you?)  

Conservation.  You want that person to stick around for a long time and keep those good feelings going, right?  If you were in charge of feeding them, what kind of choices would you make?   Healthy, tasty foods they would enjoy and that would nurture their bodies, yes?   You might take them out for an indulgent meal every now and again, but mostly you'd serve fresh, delicious, healthy food and lots of clean water, so they'd live a long time, feeling very vital and powerful.   If you got to make their choices for them, you'd encourage them to exercise appropriately, and to not ingest substances that weaken or endanger them.   So how about making these right choices for yourself -- the only person you really get to make choices for?  

Compassion.  When someone you love feels low, you probably willing to use whatever means you have available to make them feel better.   You consider all of the tools you've ever used to feel good, and apply them one by one to see which will work, all with the atruistic aim of having them feel good, just because you love them.  (Okay, there is some selfishness in there; YOU feel better when they feel better.  That's win/win selfishness.)   What tools would you use with your loved one, and which of those are you willing to use with yourself?   How about using spinning or anchoring?   There are plenty of other NLP techniques that can have you feeling good -- I'll be listing more of them here in later posts, and in the meanwhile, you may want to pick up an easy-to-use book like NLP for Dummies which describes how to use them.  Or book a one-hour session with a Master NLP practitioner to get some basic feel-good maintenance techniques down, so that you can bring yourself up when you're down, and keep yourself feeling better and better all the time -- and you can then generously share them with the people in your life, which is very rewarding.  Best of all, when you feel good, you are very attractive to other good feeling people.  It's an upward spiral.   

Challenge.  You want your loved one to live up to the potential you see in them, don't you?  It may give you a little twinge to see someone you care about sitting around, not sharing the abundant gifts they could be sharing with the world, not growing, not taking inspired action.   Now, how about you?  If you were your best friend, in what area of your life would you be opening up a can of whoop-ass?   What would you tell yourself is the one complaint you've heard too many times and now is the time to take steps, even if you're feeling a little creaky and stiff?   One nice thing about getting your body in motion is that it tends to stay in motion, at least until it's acted upon by an outside force -- and even then, if you've gathered enough momentum, you can just tell that outside force to get out of your way!   Sometimes the most difficult part is just getting up off the couch (metaphorically speaking), and as your own best friend, wouldn't that be a friendly thing to do to encourage you to do what it takes to get yourself in motion?   

Chill.   And sometimes, as your own best friend, the most loving thing to do is to give yourself a break.  Take a day off from worry -- use some of those NLP techniques, if necessary;  put your to-do list aside for one day.  The essential things to do will still be there when you're ready, and you may be surprised to find that some problems and obligations just disappear.   As Snoopy once said, "There is no problem so big that it can't be run away from!"   When you come back, you may find you have an entirely new, helpful perspective on an old problem, and it may be that the problem disappears entirely.  That's my favorite kind of problem.   Listen to a hypnosis audio or simply do some relaxing self-hypnosis or meditation.   Load a free visualizer (iTunes and MSN media player both have nice ones, and there are some more complicated and customizable free programs available on the Internet) and allow your gaze to gently go with some drifty, wafting, psychedelics .....  a detangling conditioner for your mind!  

Change.   As you develop a sense of loving and being loved by yourself, you become more and more accepting of yourself, exactly as you are and exactly as you aren't.  That doesn't mean that there aren't aspects of yourself or your life that you'd like to change!  But while you're in an unloving, resistant state, the things you are resisting (those extra ten pounds, your tendency to clam up or talk too much when you're with someone you find attractive, or a limiting belief like, "I'm not good enough") cling to you.  What you resist persists, I'm sure you've probably heard, and what bugs you about you is what sticks around.  It's just like those Chinese finger-trap toys, where you insert both index fingers and then pull as hard as you can, only to find yourself stuck!   And when you accept that you are in a finger-trap, you can relax and actually bring your finger tips together, instantly releasing the hold the trap has got on -- or rather, the hold you have had on the trap.   Like all mental traps, they trap you only as long as you fight to escape.   Accept yourself exactly as you are and exactly as you are not, and suddenly you'll see whole new horizon of opportunity for making that trap disappear. I'll be posting more about that in the very near future.     

Chuckle.  Sometimes loving yourself means taking yourself out for an entertaining date -- a comedy that makes you laugh out loud is just the ticket.   Or stay at home, laugh out loud like a donkey, no one around to feel embarrassed about,  and reap the health benefits, which can lead to.....

.... okay, I'm not going to use the "Ch" phrase for this one:  make love to yourself!   Give yourself some sexual pleasure, whether that involves one or several orgasms, or just lingering in a sensual, turned-on state.  Get yourself worked up!   And really enjoy that feeling.   Notice how fun it is to tease, massage, and sweet-talk yourself the way you'd like it done.   Look in the mirror and tell yourself what you'd tell a lover:  "You so SEXY!"   Fully enjoy this incredible, sensual body that is completely available to you, that supports you and carries you around and makes so many things possible for you, despite your having abused it by sending it mean and insulting messages in the past.   Allow yourself to feel gratitude and generosity for this lovely, wonderful body of yours and all the pleasure it affords you.  Let go of criticism or trading-up; be a great lover and really be present during your session with yourself.   

And as for modeling others love for you.  Imagine a person who really loves you, standing in front of you.  Whoever it is, a parent, a sibling, a former lover, your first sweetheart age ten.   See them seeing you and totally loving you, and float right into their body and see what they see, feel the love they have for you, and really *get* the love they feel for you.  Notice what it is they really love about you, and how good that feels to them.   Linger there and enjoy it.  Now hold onto that loving feeling and float back into your own body, carrying that love with you.  Now's a good time to set an anchor -- the feeling of being loved.  Nice, isn't it?  

Loving yourself is all about feeling good, in the highest sense.  Treat yourself to the kinds of actions you've reserved only for other people whom you felt "deserved" it somehow more than you have.   Deliberately provide experiences to yourself that have you feeling great.   Wallow in feeling good, and then look around and notice how lovable other people look.  You don't see the world as it is, you see it as YOU are, so if you want to see lots of love in the world, start at home.  

Loving yourself is one of the most generous thing you can do, strangely enough.  By loving yourself, you maintain and increase the vast resource that is Who You Are.   Are you willing to be so generous?  Are you willing to make that much of a positive difference in the world?  You don't have to.  You can be stingy with your resources, squandering them and preventing the world from getting the full benefit of Who You Are.  That's a valid choice.  It's up to you.    

I know my preference is for you to feel really, really good, and totally loved.  

p.s... Happy 40th anniversary of Woodstock!  

This special offer applies for any two hours of service I provide:  releasing old, stored-up negative emotion and limiting beliefs;  identifying and building positive results into your future so that you can walk into them, easily, effortlessly, and joyfully;  quit smoking or get yourself leaping up with motivation to get fit;  feel calm, happy and confident -- or anything else you'd like to feel, when you want to feel it; or values-based coaching to get totally clear on what kind of life you'd most like to live -- and get practical and effective tools for living it!   

Sessions can be done in person or by phone, just about anywhere you are in the world.  

Send me an email at angela@feelgoodonpurpose.com for more information, and click here to read what my clients are saying about the results they're getting!  

   

By midday, that "missing" feeling didn't feel so sweet -- I felt lonesome.  I *just happened* to pick up an interview with John Bandler in which he said that you don't have an inner resource if you're not using it.    Good timing on the reminder, John, since I have all these tools at my disposal that I use with other people every day, and yet still just plum forget to use them on my own gunk.

One of the resources that I use to generate good-feeling is anchoring, which uses deliberately set or accessed neurological connections between everyday actions and positive emotions, like how hearing a baby laughing just automatically has you feeling warm and fuzzy.   But when I'm feeling in an actively negative state, like lonesomeness, sometimes it's too far a leap from feeling bad to feeling good, and the anchor becomes murkied -- it "collapses" and decreases in effectiveness.  (Not a problem, by the way -- you can always rebuild your positive anchor even more powerfully by simply repeating the steps.)   At such times, it helps to have another superpower handy.  

One such superpower -- the ability to move out of an actively negative feeling directly into an active and delightful good feeling -- is called "Spinning," and that's what I used yesterday to move out of my gunk funk.   I'd like to share this process of active imagination with you and invite you to use it whenever you are feeling some way you'd prefer not to feel, and would like to transform that into something that works better.  

1. Direct your attention to your body.  Notice and acknowledge the emotional and physical sensations.  What is there to learn from this?  Get what there is to get about the negative emotion.  

What there was for me to get was that I prefer having Danger Man and Danger Boy close by, because I love them so much, and that their being in the Other California doesn't diminish that love.  I had been focusing on what I get from them that I would miss, and I forgot to focus on how generous I can be and what I'm Generating.  (Hey, I just noticed that "generating" and "generous" have the same root!)   Just seeing that my love is here, no matter where the Danger Guys are, has that old lonesomeness beginning to drift away.....

2. Observe the feeling in your body.  Where does it start, and where does it go?  Bad feelings tend to cycle and loop; just watch the loop for a moment.  

"Lonesomeness" began in my stomach, as if I'd eaten some bad sushi, went to the small of my back and moved heavily upwards through my chest, restricting my breathing, and then moved up the back of my shoulders and down my arms, and then back up my arms and down the front of me and back into my tum, where it looped back up again.   (Oops, the thing about remembering this is that I'm doing the problem and feeling the lonesomeness as I do it -- dagnabbed mind/body connection! -- good motivation to finish writing and feeling this quickly and get to feeling great again!)   It sounds kind of funny to experience your emotion as a physical sensation, doesn't it?  And the more you practice noticing that you feel your emotions inside your body, the more powerful and effective you can be in feeling good on purpose, physically AND emotionally.  

3. Push. Use your imagination to push the loop out in front of your body, and notice it spinning actual-size there.  At what rate is it spinning?   What color is it?   

My loop was moving very sluggishly and slowly, and was the dull yellow color of the very syrupy pinot grigio I'd had the night before (and which probably contributed to my low feelings.)   

4. Reverse. Change the direction of the loop.  Slow the spinning to a stop and then reverse the direction, or envision the loop flipping over if you need to so that it spins the other way.   As you watch it spinning in the other direction, does the color change on its own?  It often will do just that, and if it doesn't, you may want to deliberately change it to a hue that delights you.  

My syrupy yellowish color became a clear, sparkling bluish-white, like a clean, pristine waterfall on a tropical island. 

5. Pull the loop back into your body.   Does that new, nice looping feelings grow larger in your body?   Does it change the way you hold your body up nice and tall, as instead of burdening you, the loop now supports you?   Does it have a new name now?  

That old lonesomeness I used to feel is gone, and in it's place is something I'd call "Clarity" -- the feeling of cool bouyancy and a clearer line of sight, as if my eyes have been washed and my vision is brighter.   

6. Allow the spinning of this new, good feeling to expand and flow at a rate that feels wonderful inside your body.  Allow it to massage your body and your mind, and notice how great it feels to be in charge of how you feel.   Nice, huh?   

Spinning works really well for turning nervousness into excitement, transforming irritation into calm, motivating yourself, and moving out of hurt and into compassion.  It's also great for enhancing and intensifying good feelings!   Instead of reversing the direction of positive emotion loops, make them go just a little bit faster or slower, and add saturation or brightness to the colors; experiment a bit with the loop so that the feeling in your body is most desirable and most enjoyable.  

*I say that facetiously, because there are no accidents -- at least that's what my boyfriend told me when he spilled an entire bottle of beer on me.